Thanksgiving Rant

Would I be a total ass if I were to say I am not thankful at all? I had a shitty weekend. I don't exactly feel like ellaborating due to the fact i'm extremely stressed out.

Opposites

How does one date their polar opposite, previously I always thought how could it be a problem because each would have what the other lacked but lately the contrast between "Billy"and I is bothersome. I am more of a revolutionary whereas he is more of a loyalist. That difference in its self is hard to deal with what do you say to a guy that debates against peaceful ideals? One day perhaps 20 years in the future I want to make a difference, yes that is common ambition but I really do want to make a change for the better on a international scale; "Billy" doesn't share that vision he sees himself (ideally) has a sort of Hegemon. That wouldn't be so bad if he weren't fascinated by the military and weapons. Since I find it unlikely that we'd still be together then I wonder what will indeed happen, we both have the intelligence to conquer such ambitions... A scary thought.
Today I came to the realisation that either I accept "Billy" or leave, the affection I feel for him is still strong and all though I am against his beliefs I still charish his presence, but do we really work? I know this is rather cliche but I'm very against the unjust cruelty of animals/ humans that can't defend themselves, he thinks i'm being absurd! Not only that he even tries to make it sound justified! He isn't sadistic or even a mean person but his humour can be so twisted I can't help but be a little upset. He doesn't seem to understand that I am a VERY empathetic person and saying things like that break my heart because when I read/ hear about a innocent being/ animal getting hurt I almost feel their pain clawing away at me, the yelp of a kicked dog or the cry of a little girl. It all gets to me.
Someday and mark my words I will try as hard as I can to create peace within nations of course talking about it won't do anything and If I make it a little to aparent what I'm after people higher up then me will just look upon me and laugh saying i'm young and naive which I really am but I won't let the fire die. I will keep my mouth shut about what i'm truely after until i'm at a level where I can say it a little more freely and perhaps gain respect from it, which is something I would never get now.
However, I could be taking myself WAY to seriously I mean I am still in highschool and I'm thinking of majoring in Psychology when I goto the U of S and then later on when i've earned at least a bachlors I may go on to medical school and then use both backgrounds for conducting studies. I realise why take psychology AND medical school when I could just be a psychiatrist but that isn't a career i'm after I want to do medical research, perhaps unlock the subconcious or alter the genetics of organisms to create super humans :P

Dr. Who?

I'm not going to lie, I'm not some hardcore "wannabe" Dr.Who fan but I just recently was introduced to it and I LOVE it!! I've known of the show for many years but I've never actually sat down and watched an episode tell now and frankly I'm glad I did! It so awsome I always assumed that because its from the UK (no pun intended) It would just be really campy looking and dull, and actually It Is campy but the storylines over power that minor flaw but then again a lot of people like TV shows that look campy, because it's "cult" looking. Which is stupid I find it annoying that some people spend there life watching crappy films because they are "cult" or "indie" but then some of my favorite movies are I sappose "cult" like Clockwork Orange. Anyways I incourage anyone whos reading this to watch Dr. Who it's where it's at yo. :P Dr. Who and the X-files is where it Truely is at, and you will all soon discover how much I am obsessed with the X-files. Haha. I really am a die hard for Mulder and Scully XD ok that sounded really creepy but you catch ma driftidilio(wtf) haha anyways good bye ya'll peeps (ok I'm done with the wigger slang :P)
-Princess Alexandra

Jubilance

I am SO happy, good god. I finally worked up the guts to tell "Billy" how I feel even if I told him via phone :P but it's good now he says he'll try harder from now on (hopefully he does) because if he does I will be one happy padawan XD I am SO proud of myself like I'm a bit of a introvert and i've probebly already said this but i'm passive so I stood up for what I wanted. YAY :D

Passive Aggressive

A characteristic of myself that I honestly want to punch the lights out of.
All it does is bring me pain pain and more pain like a hermit breathing fresh air. (get it cause their used to recycled air) Ha ha.
Being passive is so intensely agonizing especially when you really care about someone who doesn't really appreciate the nice things you do for them.
I'm a nice person I'll just put that out there, too nice I should add. Why is this overlooked so much especially when the person is nice AND empathetic and any male who dates me should be thrilled but apparently not "Billy" my boyfriend is having issues grasping the fact that I bust my ass all the time to make him feel comfortable. (yes I probably do have 50's house wife syndrome) but I have to be careful of his feelings about this it's not completely his fault, I am in fact his first girlfriend and he's not used to the kind of attention I desire to give him. (he's 18 by the way) he's also one of those mildly anti-social geeky guys that NEVER get hints that you throw at them. I've currently used up all my emotional resources on trying to get him to understand that I need affection and to be appreciated but he simply doesn't understand what to do, when to do it and why he'd want to "cuddle" or "hold hands" to him its not something romantic to him its exchanging sweat which he's remarked hes not into. *SIGH* that drives me mad because all though he's technically my first boyfriend I've been in the dating scene for quite awhile so I know a lot of things he doesn't which in it's self is frustrating because I don't want to make comparisons because that's unfair. What I should be doing is showing I care and leading the way but I'm not a Alpha female, leading is a hard thing for me to do tragically we are both betas which doesn't work well in my opinion anyway PLUS he's a Virgo and I'm a Pisces so odds are already against us evolution wise and astrologically but I will not bow to "odds" and such because I like him a lot and I think that if someone really cares they can beat all odds but see this is the freakin' problem!!! I'm writing in a blog how I feel and saying how much I want him and I to work. What the hell is he doing does he care that I've cried myself to sleep more then once since we started dating. I think he does care I just think he doesn't know how to express it but FUCK the agony is so freaking strong I want to punch something. (I wouldn't) :P
Also heres another thing thats ripping my heart out. I feel like I can't appear "weak" around him like i'm very sensitive and if I see something innocent get hurt or just something really nice like a old man giving his seat up for a pregnant lady on a bus I will tear up I can't help this yet I feel I have to hide it which I think is terrible!!! I feel like I have to hide my best qualities because he'll think i'm weak and stupid. Remember this is what I FEEL not what is he's never said anything to me for to assume this but it hurts. He's a nice guy he's funny and very smart all things I like in a guy plus hes got some other qualities I like but the only one I really don't like is the whole world domination thing I realise its not uncommon with mildly anti-social people but dear god that is sooo not my thing. I love seeing people happy I could never hurt a living thing it breaks my heart when I watch the news and see riots and all the pain that people are going through and I just wish I could take it away.
Why do I like someone who is so obviously my opposite!!? We do however have a lot in common well actually If I were ever myself with him all we have in common is our love of learning. I wonder if thats enough. probebly not i'm afraid, but I will keep treking on because like I said I really care about him but god fucking dammit why do I have to lose apart of myself over a stupid male. Oh well its life I won't die. I might emotionally if things don't improve but untel then i'm going to keep trying. :(

Books! :)

Unfortunately over the summer I did not reach my over ambitious goal of reading over 50 books(haha) but I did read 7 good books!! XD and bought a few that I still have yet to read.



I read Enders Game, Speaker For The Dead, Xenocide, Children Of The Mind, Ender's Shadow, Colony, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.



For those of you that are into Science Fiction I think you will LOVE Orson Card's books I know I do. I have never been so impressed with a series they are so diverse yet so insightful!! I'm series when I read Ender's Game I was like wow this is soo effing good and I expected that its successors would try to capture the glory but no when I started reading Speaker For The Dead I was shocked that it was so unlike the first, but I didn't let that slow me down I found it a little slow in the beginning and because it is so different I had a hard time getting into it but once I opened my mind a little I came to really like it :D the next two books were the same way although Xenocide and Children Of The Mind are pretty much one story :S None the less I'm still quite impressed. I finished Ender's Shadow today (I was not disapointed) and I'm going to start the next book probebly tomorrow although I might start reading Battlefield Earth next my boyfriend says it's awsome but i'm still a little iffy I mean come on its written by the guy who created Scientology AND the movie version is ranked as one of the worst of all time!! :O But then any movie with John Travolta is bound to be shit lmao :P I can't even look at him and take him seriously .Haha.

I may also read the Foundation series by Isaac Asimov or the last 2 books in the Space Odessy series.

Oh P.S. I totally apologize if you have no idea what i'm talking about :P I'm lazy give me a break :P

Its Lighter, Lighter Fluid

[cue in 007 theme]In case your wondering "Lighter Fluid.. WTF??" It's one of roughly a googelplex of variations of my last name which so happens to be Ligtermoet ( Lighter - moet) its dutch in case your wondering. Haha.
Over the years I've heard a lot of weird names but Lighter Fluid sounded the most blog worthy. Haha. You must admit it does make me sound like a hard ass but then when you actually read what i'm writing I pretty much NOT that as much as i'd like to be. Hehe. Actually that would look bizare i'm like a really pale, tall nerdy girl that is totally INSANE XD and I dunno if i wanna be a white and nerdy hard ass although that would be pretty awsome!! Pwn n00bs all day long :P